You know you are a Melburnian when…
- Written by Victorian Government
- You find it harder to choose which cafe to go for brunch than you do to buy a house.
- You look for a bar entrance in a plain brick wall.
- Your coffee order has six adjectives, one noun and no mention of coffee.
- You have ordered an algae, a mushroom, a magic or a beetroot latte and not been ashamed.
- It seems logical to travel multiple suburbs away to get dessert after dinner.
- You consider the primary function of a rooftop to be space for a bar or cinema.
- You roll your eyes when someone asks you if you know ‘that’ pho place. Of course you do.
- You literally cannot answer the question ‘what is your favorite restaurant?’.
- You are not intolerant to something, you are part of a ‘food tribe’.
- You’re beginning to wonder whether milk is actually spelt with a ‘y’.
- You’d UberEATS a tub of ice cream, coffee or puppy because Broadsheet said so.
- You’d wait in line at Collingwood Townhall for 4 hours at the Flour Market for doughnuts that you could get around the corner at a cafe on Brunswick and Gertrude Streets.
- You’ll drop $500 on a Dinner by Heston or $60 on brunch, but you lose your mind if a standard coffee is more than $3.80 in the city centre.
- You don’t mind walking up any amount of stairs just to Snapchat, Instagram or Facebook check-in that you were on a rooftop.
- You don’t go to Hosier Lane for the artwork.
- You justify spending a week’s rent on active wear just to walk around the Tan twice.
- Weddings on Grand Final day cause full emotional breakdowns.
- You think Boxing Day is for cricket, not laying around.
- You love ‘the tennis’, but can’t name anyone outside the top five.
- You know it is faster to walk to the MCG than drive to it on a game day.
- You spend your tram ride dreaming of that start-up, so you can spend your days working from cafes and cycling to meetings.
- You have bought at least three of the blue Melbourne bike helmets but have no idea where they are.
- You know Brunswick Street isn’t in Brunswick, and Fitzroy Street isn’t in Fitzroy.
- You know which way round the city loop goes. And what time it changes.
- You are aware there is no phone reception in the city loop but you still use it as excuse to hang up phone calls.
- You have never ridden a horse and cart down Swanston Street, and you don’t know anybody who has.
- You can understand the announcements on the tram/train.
- What is a bus?
- You’ve tried to pay for something with your Myki card.
- Hook turns are not even a thing.
- Northside vs Southside of the river starts more arguments than Sydney vs Melbourne ever has.
- You don’t understand where the free tram zone starts or ends and if you do, still refuse to get off and walk one stop to the Arts Centre.
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